CAN I FORGIVE SEXUAL ABUSE?
ANONYMOUS MDMA & PSILOCYBIN THERAPY ACCOUNT
Experiences
MDMA & psilocybin
Themes
Sexual abuse, religious OCD, inner critic, love, forgiveness, & challenging experiences
To Andy, psychedelics were magic.
A portal he discovered in high school and never forgot it as an adult.
But psychedelics were also pain. Particularly mushrooms. He’d take them hoping for a high, but psilocybin often had other plans. Noise flooded his mind. He worried about what everyone around him was saying. He worried about what everyone was thinking. He worried about everything so much he “couldn’t even process [his] own thoughts.”
“Life,” he said, “would get way too real.”
So Andy stepped away from psychedelics. But it wasn’t just because of amplified anxiety. It was also because he feared he’d crash into something that would make him go “crazy”:
Memories of long-term sexual abuse at the hands of a family member.
Listen to Andy’s story:
Chapters
(00:00) Intro clip
(2:54) When did you start using psychedelics therapeutically?
(4:34) What do you mean by scared the whole time on mushrooms?
(6:57) What were you scared of coming across on mushrooms that you couldn’t handle?
(10:38) Did you face your childhood trauma on MDMA?
(10:52) Can you explain what did come up on MDMA?
(19:43) How are you living differently since the MDMA experience?
(20:33) Did you ever doubt the realizations you had on MDMA?
(21:33) What was the MDMA experience like — in detail?
(24:18) Did your MDMA experience give you the confidence to take mushrooms again?
(30:14) What is the self-criticism you experience on Mushrooms like — in detail?
(32:16) Why did the OCD you experienced growing up, start?
(32:35) Did the OCD start when you were little?
(33:10) Was your OCD always religious?
(35:40) Did this come up in your mushroom experience?
(41:09) Andy’s breakthrough into love.
(44:39) Andy explodes with love for his partner
(47:27) Why don’t you share your love with people more?
(48:44) Can you explain the relationship you had with your abuser?
(50:09) What has your abuser been through?
(52:51) Andy thinks of his abuser as a child on mushrooms.